I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
