gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm both gender and math confused
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
