we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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