And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
