somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
