I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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