you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
