Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
