he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
