Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
