Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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