The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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