is your mom at the bar?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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