Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
