She is in my trunk
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
