If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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