I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
