Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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