we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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