Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
