i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Be still, my beating vagina.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
