i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
