My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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