How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
