Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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