just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.