I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize