We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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