I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.