it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara