i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin