This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
