I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
