I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
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they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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