I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
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So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
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The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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