i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
