i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
well you can't waste a boner
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
