Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
