do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
