I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
