At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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