ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
