Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
