Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
