alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
