For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
