i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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