lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
