i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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