Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
