Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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