Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
