No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
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He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
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If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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