You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
