so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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