my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
His hands were made for my vagina.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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