My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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