Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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