I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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