Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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