so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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