Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
