My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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