I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize