i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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