no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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