Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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