i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
