Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
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