I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
