It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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