She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
