nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
