i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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