I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
