i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
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