He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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