i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
